Archive | August, 2010

Situation #1: How to behave when your husband is cranky

31 Aug

Last night, my husband came home from work and was quite a bit cranky. Not that I blame him at all; his key to our apartment door wasn’t working. He was knocking away on the door while I was changing in our bedroom, oblivious to his knocking.

Once he came in, he was VERY cranky. We live in a ‘luxury’ building where things tend to break or not work all the time. Management cares more about getting new tenants than servicing the existing ones.

The old way I might have handled this:

Well, people being cranky tend to make me cranky back at that person, even if they’re not cranky at me.

The way I did handle it:

I gave him a hug and a kiss when he came in, and made a conscious effort to be as ‘normal’ as possible. I fed our little guy dinner and took care of that.

Update:

My husband apologized for being cranky! I can guarantee you if I had become cranky as well, there’s no way he would have apologized. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t looking for an apology – I was looking to help smooth over the situation. I think I did!

So what is this “Situation” thing as opposed to “Project?” Well, projects are things that I’m posting about that I’m consciously looking to do or change. Projects are things I’m going to do in the future. ‘Situations’ on the other hand, are issues that have arisen in the past day or so since my last blog post that I’ve ‘handled.’ Do you see the distinction?

(By the way, curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

Marriage Project – Assessment #2

31 Aug

I’m 11 ‘little projects’ in to the big Marriage Project, and, well, I’m stunned. I can’t believe how much happier our marriage has been just since I started this. We weren’t even unhappy to begin with, which, if you think about it, is probably a good time to start focusing on marriage. Waiting until the you-know-what hits the fan might not be a wise move.

I haven’t tried to change my husband at all, only focusing on what I can focus on.

Let’s recap:

As I mentioned in my first-ever post, these are not things that will save your marriage. And one-time actions are nice, but they might not be that noticeable.

A few things:

  1. The little things add up.  I’m not sure my husband noticed any of these little things I’ve done on an individual level, except perhaps maybe dressing up nice when I don’t usually. However, he has noticed in general that I’ve been doing something. He’s mentioned a few times how great things have been going lately, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
  2. These things are cumulative. Sure, I’m writing about each thing once on this blog, but as I focus on them once, I’m trying to continue focusing on them (putting the phone back on the charger so I don’t annoy my husband and give him an aneurysm; taking out the trash or doing the dishes, chores I hate but that will lighten his load, etc.)

What are your thoughts? Any suggestions for me?

#11: Take out the trash

30 Aug

Taking out the trash is one of my husbands ‘jobs.’ I’m not sure why, I think it just happened that way by default.

We live in a building and have a trash chute on our floor, so I don’t even have to go outside.

I’m not sure what this will accomplish, but I just want to help out in any extra ways I can.

 

#10: Be nicely dressed and happy when he gets home from work

27 Aug

What is this, the 1950’s?

I’ll be getting home from work earlier than my husband is today.  In an effort to surprise him, I’m going to dress up a little and put on makeup for when he gets home.

Now, I’m dressed anyway in a suit and makeup for work, but since it’ll be in the mid-80’s today, I’d like to get home and get into a comfy dress and re-apply my makeup. I’ll greet him at the door with a big kiss! Considering on the days I get home before him I usually greet him in jeans and a nice top, this will be a nice surprise!

I’m also going to do those darn dishes.

Update:

Nothing went as planned on Friday. I got home early, put on a nice summer dress, did my makeup… then proceeded to put on some nice jazz and start washing the dishes. Just a few minutes into that, my husband called me and said he had just picked up or son from daycare and that he was sick. Another cold, I thought.

By the time he got home with our little man, our little guy was wheezing. Hard. Having a tough time breathing. The doctor was closed, so we made our way to a walk-in clinic, who of course, didn’t take children. By that time, he had a little fever, and by the time we got to the hospital, he had a nearly 104 fever.

Turns out he got a case of bronchiolitis, but some babies handle it worse than others, and our little guy was having trouble getting enough air. They got the fever down and gave him some albuterol treatments. A few hours after that, we were able to go home, with an inhaler for the little guy. It was a scary night, but they told us we did the right thing coming in.

Needless to say, we hardly slept all weekend, half worried about his breathing or potential lack-thereof as he slept, and half kept awake by him waking up all night long. This weekend my allergies decided to come on full strength as well, and I’ve been less than a peach to deal with. The good news? Our little guy is now just having regular cold symptoms and is breathing just fine, and he also started officially crawling this weekend.

#9: Wash the dishes!

26 Aug

I’ll admit it up front. Doing the dishes makes me gag. Thinking about dirty old food and germy kitchen sponges is gross.  Most nights, my husband does the cooking, and he also does the dishes.

I know, I know! We should take turns; one person cooks, the other person does the dishes. I try to make up for it by making sure the baby is all fed, cleaned, in jammies and such by the time he is done the dishes.

And it’s not like it’s better this way because my husband is clueless about the baby. He’s not. He’s as much involved as I am taking care of the baby.

I need to do the dishes tonight, and more often in general. We’re having neighbors over tonight for some bacon wrapped filets, and my husband will be doing all the cooking. I’ve got to step up and do the dishes so he can enjoy some social time with the neighbors, too.

Hopefully I don’t gag too much. Maybe the secret is to dress up and wash dishes in heels like the lady in the picture.

Update #1: We just found out one of our guests is a vegetarian! I guess I need to leave work a little early and pick up something else!

Update #2: Dinner with the neighbors was amazing. We had a great time! My husband whipped up some appetizers and a great vegetarian dinner and all went well. Four bottles of wine later, and it was 11pm! Once the neighbors left, I told him I’d get started on the dishes. He said he’d rather me come to bed with him……..the rest you can guess.

(Curious how Project #8 worked out (updating my Facebook photo?)

#8: Update my Facebook photo to one of ‘us’

25 Aug

Self explanatory. I just changed my Facebook profile picture to one of me and the husband.

How does this help me, him, or our marriage?

Not sure. But looking at our wedding photo as I put it up made me smile.

Update:

Well, what did you really expect to happen? I updated my Facebook photo! I know I felt good about it, anyway!

(Wondering how Project #7 ended up? That’s the one where I promised to really and truly put the phone back on the charger; one of the things that really annoys my husband!!)

#7: Put the phone back on the charger

25 Aug

My husband told me this morning that one of the things that rubs him the wrong way the most is that I never put the telephone back on the charger.

It’s true, I don’t. But who knew it would rub him the wrong way so much? I suppose if that’s one of the top things on his list that annoys him, we’re doing pretty well!

My project for the rest of the week is to seriously put the phone back on the charger. Is it really this simple to please him?

Update:

This one needs more work. I did get a “Holy crap did you just put the phone on the charger?” comment from my husband, so I think this is a minor success. Now I just need to keep actually doing it!

(Curious about Project #6 where I pretend I’m being watched at all times?)

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