Archive | 3:25 pm

#6: Pretend I’m being watched at all times

24 Aug

We can all have our “little secrets,” right?

I don’t know where I stand on this one. I certainly don’t hide things from my husband. I’m not flirting with other people in real life, on Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter.

But would I be okay if my husband knew everything I was up to? Would I be proud of myself?

This project was inspired by a synopsis posted on Marriagecoach1’s blog about cheating on your spouse, but the original post came from somewhere else. ( I can’t say I agree with much of the content on Marriagecoach1’s blog, but this guest post was intriguing.)

The author writes about how cheating can take several forms, and how at first she would have no problems having a ‘wifey-cam’ following her around everywhere. She then realized, however, that she sometimes acts in ways she wouldn’t want her husband to know about, such as:

  • poking fun at him behind his back
  • grocery shopping, forgetting her husband’s favorite items, and considering telling him they were out of those items (rather than just saying she forgot.)
  • blogging about things publicly that she wouldn’t want him to know

Are there things I wouldn’t be proud of? I think so. Giving my best girlfriend too much info about our intimate fights or disagreements, telling my husband I did something that I hadn’t gotten around to doing yet, claiming ignorance on issues I don’t want to deal with, etc.

So for the next day or so (thought this will be something I clearly think about long-term), whenever I make a decision, I’m going to think about my husband. What would he do in my situation?  Would he be proud of my decisions?


Update: 08/25/10 9:30am

I think I need to spend more than a day on this. Will report back in a few more days!

Update: 08/27/10 3:00pm

It’s going well. I find myself consciously thinking –  “What would my husband do?” It’s good. Helps keep me on the straight and narrow!

)Wondering what happened with my last post about the dry cleaning?)

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Marriage Project – Assessment #1

24 Aug

Assessment #1

I’m 5 projects and one week in to my new Marriage Project.  It seems silly to need to write down nice things I want to do for my partner, myself, our marriage.
Shouldn’t I just know better? And if my husband is in a cranky mood, why should I make the effort? And if my husband has some fault, or is wrong, what should I make the effort?

Well, as I explained in my first post, my own efforts are the only thing I can really control.

Let’s recap the past week’s projects:

Each project has had its own minor successes. He loved my thank-you card, he loved when I wrote the little note in the bathroom mirror, love when I dressed up for his colleagues, and was pleased to have 30 extra minutes in his day by me picking up the dry cleaning. (Use the links above to see the full write up and result of each project.)

But is that it? Did I help my marriage? Does all of this help?

It does help; it is helping. My husband has been in a great mood during the past week. We were at the grocery store a few nights ago, and he kissed me right in the middle of the grocery store while we were shopping. This morning, he told me he wanted to have another baby.

My husband was not in a particularly foul mood prior to this, mind you, but I think we’re like many married couples who have the daily routine with little time to connect. Is it possible that what I’ve been doing has been helping us connect more?

I don’t do these things because I want something in return; I do it because I care about our marriage, and because I want to make him happy. I want my husband to kiss me in the grocery store “just because.”

He doesn’t know about my ‘project’, but is it possible he’s in a great mood and feels close to me because of what I’ve been doing here?

Project #5: Pick up his dry-cleaning

24 Aug

Project:

We only have one car, as we’re city dwellers. My husband uses the car to get to work; I can take public transportation to get to mine.

But since on the way home from work, he’s got the little one from daycare, it’s impossible for him to stop at the dry cleaner, take the baby out of the car, get his dry cleaning, put the baby back in, put the dry cleaning in the car, etc…

Yesterday he called me on his way home from work and asked me if I could meet him outside the house so we could get the cleaning together; I could wait in the car with the kiddo while he ran inside. I told him I’d just walk over and get it (it’s about 5 blocks), but he had concerns it would be too heavy.

I walked over anyway. It WAS heavy. 3 men’s suits, about 8 of his dress shirts, and a few of my skirts. I dropped a few things on the way home, but I managed.

Result:

A

My husband was completely surprised that I picked up the dry cleaning. It was a HUGE load, he didn’t think I’d be able to carry it, but I saved him about 30 minutes off of the tail end of his commute by getting the dry cleaning for him. He was thrilled!

He made me my favorite don’treallyneeddinnerbutneedsomethingtomunchon treat – Guacamole. After we got the baby to bed, he watched a chick flick with me (Where the Heart Is) as well!

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