Archive | September, 2010

#22: Let him sleep in this weekend

30 Sep

Our little bear cub likes to wake up between 4:30 and 5:30am every day. 5:30 isn’t so bad on weekdays when we’re working. 4:30? Not so nice.

Yesterday, I stayed home from work, partly because I was sick, partly because I just needed rest, and partly to clean up the darn house a bit. I helped the husband get the little guy ready for daycare, and when they left at 7:00am, I went back to bed. UNTIL 10am! It was miracle, really. I don’t think I’ve slept till 10am since I was a teenager. Even then, I’m not sure I could sleep past 8:30 or so.

This morning, I got up early again (4:30am), fed the little bear, and coaxed him back to sleep. At 6:30, I was up again, getting him ready for daycare, and I sent him off with my husband at 6:45am. Well, I went back to bed until 7:15. It felt AWESOME!

Since it felt so awesome, I’d like to share some of that awesomeness with my husband this weekend. One morning when the little guy wakes up, I’m going to get up with him and just let the hubby sleep and sleep until he wakes up on his own. I hope he sleeps till 10am like I did the other day, because it was so refreshing!

Reason #3: Some Facebook Lovin’

30 Sep

Reason #3 why I love my husband:

This one speaks for itself!

#21 – Put on my big girl pants and deal with things

29 Sep

Those ‘things’ I need to deal with? Me. The apartment.

Me

After the crazy night which was last night, plus my recent bout of insomnia over the past week, and an exhausting work trip earlier this week, I kind of felt like I was losing my cool and, well, I wasn’t feeling exactly composed. Today, I used a sick day from work to get some sleep and recharge. I slept until 10am and it felt fantastic.

The apartment

Our house is one big ole’ mess. It’s not particularly DIRTY, but it’s cluttered. Too cluttered. This is essentially my doing; I keep too much stuff. Today? My mission is to literally go through our stuff and throw away the CRAP and get this place organized. It’s a little daunting, but heck, we’re in the city, we only have 1,000 square feet. I think I can do this!

So what does this do for my husband and/or our marriage?

  • A crazy sleep-deprived me is not very much fun to be around. I want to get my act together so I can be a bit, well, ‘nicer’ to my husband.
  • My crazy clutteredness drives my poor husband up the wall. To read more about it, check out my post on the Pile of Doom.
  • Me being home from work today means I can get dinner started before he gets home. Let’s hope that goes swimmingly. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

Wish me luck. I have about 7 hours to get the job done before he gets home.

Update to Mistake #2: Know when to grow a pair. Also know when to let something go. Don’t be wishy-washy.

29 Sep

Crisis averted? Maybe?

I eventually went to bed. He was asleep, and as much as I really, really, really wanted to talk, I kept my mouth shut. As I was drifting off, I could hear our little one tossing and turning through the baby monitor. My turn to get up, of course. He settled back down, but the noise of the kiddo woke my husband up, too.

He kind of looked around (I think he was unsure if I was back yet), and HE ASKED ME HOW MY NIGHT OUT WAS.

There I was, expecting him to turn his back on me, expecting him to give me the silent treatment as a form of punishment, but no. He asked me how my night out was.

So, was I expecting my expectations much too low in the arguing arena? I don’t know, but when I had come to bed, I was on the defensive, ready to go at it if he should say anything to hurt my stupid fragile feelings.

After we talked about that for a minute, he apologized for fighting with me. And you know what? After a long miserable day from hell, that was enough. That was MORE than enough. At this point I didn’t even care about the original issue; it’s really something we may just have to agree to disagree about. I apologized, too, for pushing and pushing earlier in the day.

Overall, I think that went okay. Crisis averted. Time to get back at it and start a new ‘project.’

Mistake #2: Know when to grow a pair. Also know when to let something go. Don’t be wishy-washy.

28 Sep

Mistake:

Let’s be clear that I’ve made more than two mistakes since starting this blog, but I try to write about positive things and keep the tone of the blog pretty upbeat.

But I think I screwed the pooch on this one. I don’t necessarily think my position that has caused us to argue is ‘wrong,’ I happen to think it’s right, but I know I haven’t exactly handled myself well.

I just got home from an evening out with friends. My husband was supposed to come too, but wasn’t really up to it with us being frustrated with each other. I was bummed that he didn’t want to come, but maybe it was better because we had some cooling off time.

Whenever we get upset with each other, I’m always afraid that he hates me or will leave me, so I often keep my mouth shut to avoid an even worse argument. Other times, I want to tell him off. Somehow, I seem to end up somewhere in the middle consistently, and it NEVER works.

My husband has some buttons, and I try not to push them. He hates ‘discussing’ things before bed, so I try to avoid it because I know it won’t help anything. Which is why tonight, I’m writing instead of going to bed. If I go to bed, I’ll never be able to keep my mouth shut, and I won’t be able to sleep. Lose/lose. He also hates when I ‘push’ him, and, well, today I definitely pushed.

But when’s it my turn? When do I get to talk about how I feel? I tried to talk to him today, but he thinks I’m bringing up “the same old issues.” Or thinks I’m bringing on drama or creating drama. I hate that he doesn’t take me seriously.

I feel like when we DO have a bad fight, this is where it ends up. I feel like I don’t get the same respect when I try to tell him what I’m feeling as he demands when he’s trying to tell me how he’s feeling. And when he pulls the silent treatment, it feels like he doesn’t give a shit at all.

I know what we were arguing about, and I’m willing to fully accept the fact that we might not ‘agree’, but I know that the process of arguing (me being pushy; him pulling the silent treatment) frustrates the heck out of me. The whole thing is just hurtful. I want him to care about what I think even if he totally disagrees with it. The silent treatment? Well, that just sucks the life out of the recipient.

Am I glossing a heck of a lot of this over? Well, yes. There are two sides to every story. But I guess for me, this has turned into stress about HOW we argue, and for him, it’s about me complaining. Again.

I feel like if we both just sat down, talked calmly, and heard each other out, things would be much better.

When things are good, they are very good. When we argue, I feel like it’s the end of the world.

He did leave the light on for me tonight, though, so perhaps it’s NOT actually the end of the world?

Time to start a new ‘project’ tomorrow.

#20: Put on a skimpy maid outfit and clean the house

23 Sep

Put on a skimpy maid outfit and clean the house.

Last night my husband and I got into a mini-argument over finances (namely how we were going to allocate certain funds to pay certain things.) Anyway, when he gets a little frustrated with me, it tends to all hang loose, and he got on my case about doing more chores around the house.

Now, this is confusing to me, because when things are happy, he always tells me he’s happy and thanks me for sharing duties with him.

Well, we made up last night, no problem, and he even apologized for being cranky. I apologized for just not letting it go and going round in circles.

But I still had a nagging feeling – Am I not doing enough around the house lately? Even though he’s happy now and wouldn’t say the same thing today, is there some truth to it?

Well let’s dig deeper:

  • I have a habit of doing many many loads of laundry at once, but then not folding them. They often stay in a basket, and then we can’t remember if the basket is clean or dirty, and I wash them again!
  • I could be (much) better about the kitty litter.
  • I could unpack our clothes from vacation.
  • I could tidy up my part of the bedroom closet a bit.

Okay, so there’s my answer. There IS stuff I can be doing.

So tonight, I’m going to leave work at 4:30, but instead of heading out to meet him after work and get the kiddo, I’ll take the train home and get started on some of these chores. And perhaps dinner.

Maybe he’ll notice, maybe he won’t, but hopefully next time we have an argument about something not related, he won’t feel the need to bring up me being messy!

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(The Marriage Project so far)

Situation #2: How to deal with watching a Yankees documentary when you really want to watch The Biggest Loser

22 Sep

Source: AP

Last night, we got the kiddo to be and were both getting settled in to watch The Biggest Loser, a show we both love. While waiting for it to start, the husband was flipping through the channels directory. While flipping, he suddenly paused, but didn’t say anything.

I took a closer look and then I saw it: ESPN’s 30 for 30 was presenting a short documentary on the Yankees. More specifically, Yankee Stadium and George Steinbrenner called ‘The House of Steinbrenner.’ I immediately said, “You should put that on; i bet it will be good!”

Of course, he looked at me incredulously. I’m a Boston Red Sox fan, having grown up in New England. He’s a New York Yankees fan, being born in Connecticut. We’re pretty fierce about our rivalry. We’ve actually adopted our local MLB team as ‘our’ team because we can’t be in the same room together discussing the Sox or the Yankees.

But hey, I’m a baseball fan above all, and I knew how much he must have wanted to watch it.

So we watched The House of Steinbrenner. And boy was it good! I learned a lot about George Steinbrenner; I never knew he was actually a really giving person. I watched as my husband winced when they showed clips of the old Yankees Stadium being torn down. There was a lot of emotion in the documentary; and as a baseball fan above all, I thought it was pretty great!

(And since The Biggest Loser was two hours long, we got to see the end of that as well.)

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