#12: Accept that he will never put the toilet seat down

3 Sep

My husband got me a label maker to help soothe the OCD beast in me. I label everything. He’s had fun with it too…labeling the crib with ‘baby’ or our bedroom toilet with ‘poop and pee.’ This way I’ll be sure to know where everything goes, apparently.

I decided to keep playing along and labeled the toilet under the seat, asking him to put the seat down when he is done.  I have to give him credit, he did it a bunch of times. But then he stopped.

I’m sure I’ll get some flack from guys. “Why should we put it down? Then we have to put it both up and down.”

I understand that, but my problem isn’t even really with the seat. I want the cover down too. I put the cover up and down every time. And whenever I walk by the toilet to get to our closet, I don’t have to think about all those nasty germs around the toiler since the cover is down.

But, well, my husband is awesome in so many ways, and so is this really something to get frustrated over? I don’t think it will ever change. This is just something I’m going to let go of.

Update #1:

Since I’m giving up wanting him to put the seat down and accepting that he won’t do it, there’s really nothing to be cranky about. By accepting it, I’m losing the right to be cranky about it. I feel better already! Me aside, I think he’ll appreciate the sudden stop in ‘reminding’ (translation – nagging).

Update #2 (December 2010):

Well, our son is walking now, and he loves the bathroom….we might have to revisit the toilet seat issue.

(By the way, curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

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10 Responses to “#12: Accept that he will never put the toilet seat down”

  1. Mrs. C September 3, 2010 at 9:24 am #

    🙂 Mr. C read somewhere that the germs from the toilet can float up to twenty feet away in the air when the toilet is flushed with the seat up. Needless to say, our toothbrushes are less than 20 feet away…

    Needless to say he’s now VIGILANT about putting the seat, AND the cover down! It totally grosses him out! :)Worth a shot!

    • wittywife September 3, 2010 at 9:31 am #

      Good point! I won’t get my hopes up, but I certainly might mention that in passing!

  2. Maranda September 3, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    Haha!! My husband is pretty good about putting the seat down because he grew up with a lot of sisters… BUT if the toilet seat is the biggest issue in your marriage, I think you should congratulate yourself because you guys are doing fantastic 😉

    I ❤ your blog, I can't wait to read more!

    • wittywife September 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

      Aww, thanks! We’ve had our ups and downs. We tend to interpret things differently and that can sometimes cause problems. However, we set ground rules for arguing/discussing, so even those things we tend to sort out okay.

      I really think this blog helps me sort things out as well. I’m glad you like it! Keep coming by!

  3. isaidido September 4, 2010 at 10:24 pm #

    So how is it going? Are you actually less annoyed by it now that you’ve accepted it?

    • wittywife September 5, 2010 at 5:51 pm #

      Yes, much easier to deal with!

  4. marriagecoach1 September 5, 2010 at 12:27 am #

    How about equality and you putting the seat back up when you are done? I took microbiology in college. The toilet interestingly enough is fairly low in germs. There are more germs on door handles and sponges in your sink. We have become paranoid about germs. We actually need germs to live and need to exposed to a certain amount to build antibodies to harmful bacteria.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • wittywife September 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

      Agreed about the paranoia with germs. We have kids; we’re used to runny noses and germs everywhere. And you’re right about the toilet; the toilet handle is actually more dirty than the water in the bowl.

      But John, equality only comes to play here if I’m annoyed that he’s leaving the seat up because it forces me to put it down when I need to use it. It’s not the act of putting up or down the seat that I’m frustrated about.

      Even though I don’t mind most germs, what’s lovely about staring into a toilet bowl when you walk into the bathroom and knowing that the toilet and potential fecal remnants have just misted around the bathroom? Equality is a cop out. (There’s never going to be equality because men and women are different. Instead, there’s give and take to manage our differences.)

      So I’ll ignore the seat being up, or just put it down myself. I prefer our nine-month old not try to stick his head in and drink out of it.

      • marriagecoach1 September 5, 2010 at 10:17 pm #

        Well it is back to paranoia again. Fecal remnants don’t mist up into the air. There are more germs on the faucet handles in the sink and the door knob because you use the faucet handles after wiping. As to seeing fecal matter in the toilet, you are going to see it when you raise the lid.

        I was just using a tongue in cheek retort about the equality and putting the seat back up when you are done. In my house, everyone adjusts the seat to their own comfort. The age old battle about the seat being up is about women wanting to be controlling and engaging their diva behavior. In the grand scheme of things, it is just not worth arguing about. I was trying to bring some humor to the situation and obviously you took me seriously.

        As to the 9 month old stickikng his head in and drinking it, he can lift the toilet seat up on his own. After 5 kids, I never had a kid try and drink out of the toilet. Kids have natural immunity. My son who was 13 months old was outside with me while I was raking leaves and I found him munching on a dried dog turd and he was fine.

        Blessings on you and yours
        John Wilder

        • wittywife September 7, 2010 at 9:27 am #

          The age old matter isn’t about women controlling the seat. If you think that’s the case, you’re seriously over-thinking the situation.

          It’s a little bit about germs, but more about manners.

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