#25: Bust out my OCD cleaning planner (and wedding weekend follow-up)

19 Oct

As some of you may have read a few days ago, I have a cleaning planner now. Yup. A weekly planner, dedicated to cleaning and my chores.

Why?

  1. I’m a little OCD (or maybe a lot)
  2. I won’t remember to change the cat box, brush my teeth, do laundry, etc, if I don’t.

The reason I forget these things is not because I’m lazy; it’s because my brain is too busy and has too much going on.

Well, after our fabulous trip to our friends’ wedding this past weekend, I’ve gotten out of the habit of busting out my planner to do my chores (aka, the normal duties of wife and mother.) And then in the day and a half since we’ve been back, my excuse is that we’ve been EXHAUSTED. So it’s back to the chores planner tonight!

How does this benefit my husband, you ask?

“I wish you picking up after yourself and helping me clean the house a bit more was a perk of your OCD.” – Real quote from my husband.

Wedding Weekend

Some of you may be wondering about our weekend at our friend’s wedding and how it went. It went AMAZINGLY! Thank you everyone for all of your help!

We had friends babysit, and we flew up north and had two whole nights to ourselves!

And we caught up on our sleep. NOT!

Friday night, after several drinks to ease the stress of flying on an airline I don’t know on a route I don’t know (OCD, I tell ya!), we arrived at a lodge that the wedding family had rented, where we’d all be staying. It all started with some wine and catching up, and more wine, and many lobsters, and more wine, and more catching up…and even though we went to bed at 11pm, didn’t end until 3am when the loud music and drunken festivities ended.

“Those youngins’!!” is probably what you’re thinking, right? Except it wasn’t, it was all the ‘young folk’ in their 20’s and 30’s as well as several sets of parents, grandparents, and other ‘older’ relatives. Whew!

So naturally, even though we didn’t fall asleep until 3am, we were up by 7:00 since we’re on parental time, and also since the wedding rehearsal was at 7:30am. (Who had time to do it the day before??)

After that, we spent the day relaxing a bit, and, umm, ‘spending time’ together, and then were back for the wedding which started at 4:30 at the lake outside the lodge. We laughed with friends, drank some wine, chatted with friends, danced, drank, danced, drank, and then somehow it ended up being 1am. And since the guys had decided to smoke some cigars toward the end of the night, I had a very sick husband on my hands. We got to bed at about 3am, and were up at 7am to pack and head for the airport.

In the end, it was a great success of a weekend. My husband and I got to spend some much needed alone time with each other, we got to reconnect with some great friends….but the sleep? We’ll have to catch up on that another time.


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(Curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

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9 Responses to “#25: Bust out my OCD cleaning planner (and wedding weekend follow-up)”

  1. karyl33 October 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    Sounds like a great time. I like your cleaning planner idea.

    We have a maid who comes once every two weeks. We are getting ready to buy a house. Because the house is smaller and the mortgage is bigger – no more maid. 😦 But I’ve only had a maid for about a year in my life so I never really got used to it. But I loved it! Boo hoo. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!

    • wittywife October 19, 2010 at 5:04 pm #

      Nice! We have a cleaning service that comes every two weeks as well! I love it. LOVE it. I really think it’s the best money we spend (I just started about a year ago as well.)

      They do the stuff I never get to…washing floors, dusting, etc. Too busy with an almost 7 year old a 10 month old!

  2. marriagecoach1 October 20, 2010 at 9:49 am #

    Let me suggest that you get religious about cleaning and doing your chores. Let me tell you why. Your husband sees it as a sign of disprespect. Men need respect even more than they do sex. If it is important to him, you need to make it important to you. It is not meant to be mean spirited or hateful, just a suggestion based upon a lot of experience working with couples.

    Part of the reason that your husband was crabby a while ago while away on a trip was because he lives with your mess on a daily basis. Being away from it for a few days he realized that the rest of the world does not live like that and when he got home, he came home to another mess for which you had a convenient excuse but a messy house none the less. He was secretly expecting you to surprise him and welcome him with a cleaned up house and was disappointed that you had a mess to welcome him home. This breeds resentment on the part of husbands.

    If you really want to romance him, take better care of the house and your chores.

    Blessings on you and yours
    JOhn Wilder

    • wittywife October 20, 2010 at 11:01 am #

      Thanks for your suggestion.

      Now let ME make some suggestions. I’m assuming you’re referring to my post about my husband coming home from his trip?

      • Please read my entire posts before commenting. If you read the entire post you referenced, you’d know he wasn’t frustrated about the housework; he apologized to me for lashing out and said he was frustrated with his job.

      I’ve taken proactive steps to get better at ‘cleaning,’and taking care of the house, as I reference in practically ever other post. Which leads me to believe that a) You don’t really read carefully, or b) You just like telling people what to do because it makes you fee good about yourself.

      Otherwise, what possible purpose could you have for ‘scolding father attitude’ garbage above?

      You’d think for a ‘marriage coach’, you’d actually give me some credit for trying EVERY DAY to keep my marriage top of mind and a priority.

      The truth of the matter is that me AND my husband are both full-time work outside of the home adults, AND we both are completing advanced coursework, AND we have a 10 month old and sometimes 7 year old at home to take care of AND we want to spend quality time with our kids. My husband has his chores, and I have mine. Yes, John, I’m looking to improve, but I am NOT the house maid by any means; we’re a team. (We’ve hired a maid service. Something I suppose you also missed in the post.)

      As far as him secretly expecting to come home to a clean house? There’s no secret, John, this isn’t a mystery. We’d both love a clean house.

      But thanks for the negative, smarmy, condescending suggestion.

      • marriagecoach1 October 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm #

        I DID read the whole blog. I read every one of your blogs. You display a common problem with women in that if a man critiques them they go on the counter attack and insult and use word clubs to beat him with to teach him that he better not ever do that again to his own peril.

        In fact, it is the number one complaint that I get from men about women, that women don’t make it safe for them to tell them the truth if it involves critique of the woman.

        I am reading between the lines and understanding the male point of view that it is often easier to lie to the woman what he is upset about because he does not want to fight or get put down or cut off sexually.

        You practice self defeating behaviors by doing large loads of laundry and putting the clothes all together to be folded, knowing that you hate it. Do one load and dry it and fold it and put it away before doing another.

        I am fully aware of busy lives. I went back to college as an adult with my wife also going to college at the same time and worked 3 part time jobs to get through. I did most of the cooking, all of the grocery shopping, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and did laundry as well. You have already pointed out that your hubby does a lot of the housework and that you are a team. And yes, I read that you hired a maid service. The bottom line is that by your own admission that you are falling down on your chosen set of chores and by the comments that your husband makes, I am suggesting that you try harder and not come up with excuses.

        I know the male mind a lot more than you give me credit for. Or you could just blow me off like you have and say screw it, this guy does not know anything. Why not try my suggestion for 30 days and see if it does not improve your relationship with hubby. Like I said, romance him with something that is important to him rather than to you. It is like having a pet cat and being a vegetarian and showing your love to your cat by feeding him a vegetarian diet. The cat won’t appreciate it.

        Blessings on you and yours
        John Wilder

        • wittywife October 20, 2010 at 4:55 pm #

          John, I’m going to kindly suggest that you do not comment on my blog anymore. I’ll refrain from commenting on yours as well. I’m sick of going back and forth arguing semantics.

          This blog is a positive place. One where I can write about the little things I do day to day to help my marriage. I get your point; you’ve mentioned it over and over. Wear lacy lingerie and clean up after myself. Got it. See how easy that was? It took one sentence to write. That would be a helpful comment.

          Instead, I get – “You display a common problem with women in that if a man critiques them they go on the counter attack and insult and use word clubs to beat him with to teach him that he better not ever do that again to his own peril.”

          You’re not critiquing me. You’re attacking me, you’re judging me, and you have a massive superiority complex. Anyone who has learned about communication knows that the WORST way to communicate is to start with “You need to….” That’s not a suggestion; that’s a command.

          You may be right about knowing the male mind more than I do for the simple fact that I’m not a man. But you place all men in one bucket, and all women in another bucket, and I’m sorry to say that not all men think SOLELY with their penises and not all women hate sex and want to control their husbands. Your stereotypes, judgments, and theories have no backing other than your own personal experience.

          So yes, John, you might know the male mind, but you have absolutely no idea how to communicate with women in general (see how I used the words ‘in general’ there to show how I’m not referring to ALL women?) . Your constant berating is unhelpful; you sound like a nagging wife.

          You mention in many of your posts and in my comments that women are negative towards you; again – this is Communication 101. Reread your comments. You’re negative, not helpful. This would put anyone on the defensive, and in turn, their responses would be negative.

          If you’d like to be a bit more positive in the future, feel free to come back and visit. Until then, Blessings on you and yours.

          • Mrs. C October 20, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

            YEAH Witty Wife! Good stuff. That guy was driving me nuts.

  3. Melbourne Mumma October 20, 2010 at 6:24 pm #

    Well, I just read this post and the comments! Firstly, that marriage project guy is a freak. Good for you asking him to go away, though I doubt I’d have been so polite! Grrrr. You can never generalise about anyone’s marriage or about what men want and don’t want. Each person is different.

    Good on you for getting away for a night and having a fun time away just you and hubby. I need to do that with my hubby soon, it’s been ages. Personally I think that’s one big key to a happy marriage – making time to spend with each other – date nights, the odd night away – without the kids. You need that time to reconnect.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Marriage Project Assessment #4 – Bake, Cook, Ego-Boost and Clean your way to a Happier Marriage « The Marriage Project - October 21, 2010

    […] night, I got home before he did and got to work reviewing my cleaning planner. I did some dishes, got dinner started, got coffee ready for the morning, and finished folding the […]

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