Marriage Project Assessment #4 – Bake, Cook, Ego-Boost and Clean your way to a Happier Marriage

21 Oct

At least, that’s what I’ve been doing to work towards a better marriage. Not that there’s much wrong with it to begin with, but it seems to me that it’s easier to tend to your marriage when it’s not in trouble.

Well, all this cooking, cleaning, and loving up my husband seems to be making a HUGE difference (either that, or he’s found and reading my blog!) I started this blog to work on things I can control in my marriage (as opposed to using this as a place to vent about marriage and my husband). I can’t control my husband. I can only control me.

As I’ve mentioned several times before, the intent here is to better MYSELF in my marriage, but then unintended consequence here is that my husband has been just amazing. He’s been communicating a lot more than he EVER has. I mean, he talks a lot (we love to talk about anything and everything), but as far as communicating about feelings, emotions, or dealing with issues, that’s always been a little struggle for us.

So yesterday, when he IMed me about some errands we needed to get done, I was feeling particularly lovey, and I told him out of the blue, “You know, you’re a GREAT husband and father.” And he wrote back, “You know what, THANK YOU, that means so much to me.” Who knew?? I thought I’d get a standard “Thanks.”

Last night, I got home before he did and got to work reviewing my cleaning planner. I did some dishes, got dinner started, got coffee ready for the morning, and finished folding the laundry. I had quite a bit done before he even got home. We watched the rest of the Yankees game together (Yeah!!! They Won !!!!!!.) Then we went to bed super-early to watch the Giants against the Phillies. At 9pm. We just kind of cuddled, and it was incredible. Then out of nowhere, he tells me how happy he is in general, how glad he is that I’m his wife, and how glad he is that I’m the mother of his child. He also went on to tell me that he’s made an effort to try very hard lately – my hangups are staying clean and orderly and keeping my head on straight, his is that he tends to get a little angry and let things bother him. He told me that he’s trying hard to not place blame every time something small goes wrong, and he apologized for sometimes placing that extra blame on me when it’s not warranted.

Wow!

Am I making a difference here?

Furthermore, our marriage IS good already. Do you think for people who are having marriage troubles could follow the same steps that I do and receive the same outcome, even if they think their spouse is at fault? If they work on the ‘small things’ like I am, could their spouses outlook improve as well as an unintended consequence?

 


Some useful links:

 

Archive of my marriage projects

My marriage project assessments so far

What is this marriage project all about?

And of course, follow me on Facebook by clicking the picture below!

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5 Responses to “Marriage Project Assessment #4 – Bake, Cook, Ego-Boost and Clean your way to a Happier Marriage”

  1. Mrs. C October 21, 2010 at 10:03 am #

    Great job, Witty Wife!! 🙂 Isn’t it so funny how much harder it is to control ourselves than it is to try to control someone else? I have the same issues with my hubby, and it’s definitely something I work on. I love seeing all of your projects and everything, though! Gives me great ideas!

  2. karyl33 October 21, 2010 at 10:05 am #

    First of all, I love what you are doing. I value my marriage and marriage in general. When you value something you take care of it. Marriages need prayer, love, and care.

    Second, I believe, contrary to popular belief, that it only takes one person to change a relationship. You are on the right track when you say you can’t control your husband, but can only control yourself. Admitting that forces you to take responsibility for what you can change inside and outside of yourself. That kind of hard work and responsibility is noticed and often motivates the other person to change to. Leading by example instead of nagging!

  3. izziedarling October 21, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

    Well, Witty, you are one smart cookie! So wise to put time and effort into “project” when it is good. And you are responsible for your own behavior. I’ve found that, when I change my perspective, my Cooking Partner is absolutely delightful. Probably because I’m not bitching him out. But he does the nice stuff without any prompting. Miracles DO happen.:)

    • wittywife October 21, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

      Thanks for the comment! I’m trying my best!

  4. got2havefaith October 21, 2010 at 4:13 pm #

    Yes. And yes. I think sometimes when we get married we forget that it was work to get there, so we stop working. Little things do add up and they do make a difference. Your attitude to the situation is the only thing you can control. Keep it up girl!

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