Archive | 4:45 pm

Off Topic: Your 5 year old may or may not be gay??

4 Nov

“My Son is Gay. Or Not.” is the title and first line of one of today’s Freshly Pressed blogs on WordPress.  A mother, who clearly loves her child, wrote about how she was fully supportive of her five year old son as he dressed up as Daphne from Scooby Doo for his preschool Halloween party.

And I agree with her. At five years old, kids are creative, expressive, interested in everything around them, and just want to have some fun. If my son wanted to dress as Daphne for Halloween, then so be it. This mother even wrote about how some of the mothers at the preschool approached her and told her how inappropriate his costume was, to which she responded that really it was none of their business.

This woman has over 7,000 comments (update: 35,000) to her post, with most being, “how awesome! you rock as a mom” and similar. I think that’s the easy comment to make, after all; this woman stuck up for her kid. But something about this post really bothered me; I had to reread this post several times to figure out why. What really bothered me about the post was her choice of title. And I can’t believe more people don’t have a problem with it.

Here’s what I commented on her blog:

I can’t overstate how happy I am that you are letting your son just be who he is. He’s five years old, for goodness sake! Halloween is about fantasy and dress up. Anything ‘out of the ordinary’ at five years old is surrounding gender roles…not sexuality.

But something has been nagging me for the past hour since I’ve read this:
The title of the post. And it’s like a rock in my stomach.

This post is about your five year old being who he is, and close minded parents A, B, and C. This isn’t about sexuality at five years old (though I have no doubt whatsoever that you’ll love your son no matter what.)

What if your son finds this blog when he’s older, having no prior knowledge of it? I think, no matter how accepting and loving I am of my son (and I am), he would be so hurt. What if he didn’t read the whole post, but instead finds an archive of the “Freshly Pressed” page – all Freshly Pressed has regarding your post is a picture of your son dressed as a girl, and the title, “My Son is Gay.”

I can imagine my son would be hurt or humiliated, with either “I can’t believe how embarrassed I am by this post” or “I can’t believe my mother outed me when I was five years old to thousands of people.”

If I wrote about this, my title wouldn’t be “My Son is Gay. (Or not.)” It would make more sense if the title were, “So what if he’s dressed up like a girl?” or something similar, because then you’re not addressing the sexuality of a five year old, but instead gender roles.

If her son ever finds WordPress’s Freshly Pressed Archives, here’s exactly what he’ll see:

I’m sorry, but I could not do that to my son. 7,000+ people, however, have failed to consider this. Read her post and some of the comments, then tell me what your thoughts are.

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#28: Dinner, work, kids sports, abortion?

4 Nov

Does your husband talk a lot? Mine does. We talk about a lot of things, but naturally, what’s going on at work or our kids are frequent topics.

It’s no secret; the older my husband and I get, the more conservative we’re becoming. I don’t necessarily mean Republican conservative (though it’s no secret I don’t consider myself a true Democrat anymore), but I mean in a fiscal sense, and in a morals and values sense.

Last night I saw an ad on tv for Victoria’s Secret. Ten years ago, I probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Last night, the ad I saw at 7:30pm practically bordered on soft porn. See for yourself:

I have an almost 7 year old daughter. How do I explain to her that when she’s an adult, dressing up sexy for your husband is a good thing, but flaunting your sexuality like these women on tv is a bad thing? How do you explain this when your 6 year old doesn’t even know about these sorts of things, but it’s thrown in their face and they ask about it? Thankfully she didn’t see this commercial, so I don’t have to address it this moment.

However, this leads me to the fact that I’m becoming getting more conservative, and so is my husband.

A few nights ago, before the Victoria’s Secret commercial, he actually brought up abortion. Abortion! We were sitting on the couch reading (since baseball is over, and all), and he told me he had been thinking about it and the arguments for allowing it, and the arguments against it. We discussed it probably for a good 40 minutes or so. I won’t even get into how the discussion went (it’s not that relevant), but what is relevant is that he felt comfortable bringing up something like that with me.

Was I a good listener? Eh. Sort of, sort of not. Essentially, his views on the topic were changing, and it caught me off guard. But the point is, my husband doesn’t just talk about work, kids, and sports. And when he feels comfortable talking about tough topics with me, it’s my job to be a good listener, even if I disagree. I think trying to be a good listener will keep him feeling comfortable bringing up interesting or tough topics.

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