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Ideas for changing your life

10 Mar

Ok, so, these are ideas for changing my life, but I want to know what changes you’re looking to make, too. Add them in the comments! Though these aren’t all ‘marriage’ changes, I think all of them will benefit my marriage in some way.

Changes I want to make / Things I want to do:

  • Kiss and hug my husband every day.
  • Stay calm, particularly if we start to argue.
  • Walk away from a less-than-calm argument, instead of becoming an emotional trainwreck.
  • Spend 15 minutes a day talking….work, kids, schedules, our relationship, and chores are off-limit topics. It’ll be interesting to see what we talk about.. I feel like all we talk about sometimes are these topics.
  • Put up more pictures of us around the house.
  • Discuss (and write down and post somewhere) our 2 year goal, 5 year goal, 15 year goal, and retirement goals.
  • Have more sex (we’re tired parents of a 7 year old and 15 month old!) I read that the average is 1.5 times a week, so we’re already ahead of the curve, but I’d prefer more if I could actually stay awake!
  • Encourage my husband to get out a little more. He works long days at work, and though we make time for our ‘couple friends,’ he doesn’t get out much for a guy’s evening. I’m thankful for the time he is at home, but wondering if he’d be a little happier if he got out every now and then.
  • Be more positive and less negative. I tend to see the negative side of everything. I’m a realist!
  • Expand our circle of happy  ‘couple’ friends.
  • Have more ‘active’ dates with my husband. We LOVE dining out, but I’d like to try something a little more involved and active. (Any suggestions?)

Any other ideas? What are some things you’d like to change, or even do every day?

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Situation #7: You know how you have to argue something to the very end on principle alone?

22 Oct

Yeah, well, you don’t.

Don’t argue it and bring it up to death, even on principle alone, (unless it’s something you feel SO strongly about that you will divorce them unless they somehow see your reasoning and agree with you.)

Pick your battles.

I picked the wrong one last night (again) and kind of feel like an ass idiot.

You live and you learn.

And I’m trying to learn to bite my tongue when it’s not a big deal, or even if it is a big deal but not worth getting into a huge fight over.

#23: Move his scary movies to the top of the Netflix queue

12 Oct

Have you ever fought over the Netflix queue? We have. My husband LOVES scary moves. Me on the other hand? Not so much. Especially the bloody and gory ones. Why would I WANT to be scared? He thinks it’s exciting. I think it sets me up for a night of little sleep and nightmares, especially when he thinks it’s funny to pretend he’s a zombie and jump out at me right before we go to bed.

I’ve hit him before for that, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I keep telling him that in zombie situations (or what I think could potentially be a zombie situation) that I am not responsible for my actions, even if I punch him in the jaw. It might happen someday because:

  1. If it’s a real zombie, maybe whacking him in the jaw will give me a chance to make a break for it
  2. If it’s not a real zombie, it would certainly get the point across that I don’t like when he pretends he’s a zombie

BUT, in all seriousness, my husband DOES watch a lot of Chick Flicks with me (Tortilla Soup, The Holiday, Where the Heart is, Notting Hill, anyone?) and even though I’m sure those don’t give him nightmares at night (or who knows, maybe they do?) I suppose I should be fair about taking turns.

Which is why today, I’m headed into the Netflix queue, and moving his scary movies to the top. Here’s to weeks of not sleeping!

(And by the way, I STILL didn’t make those cornbread muffins; we went furniture shopping instead last night.)

Update: The only one of those we actually watched was ‘Incident On and Off a Mountain Road.’ It was gross and really scary, but I actually thought it was okay. The rest just sat there, so we sent them back)

Project #17: Organize the ‘Pile of Doom’ (i.e., The Mail Pile)

13 Sep

Project:

Do you have a huge pile of mail on the kitchen counter? Dining room table? Somewhere? How come every time I clean up the pile, it’s suddenly there again?

Our pile is on the kitchen counter.

And regardless of how much I try to clean it up, it’s always there.  It drives my husband NUTS, much like me not hanging up the phone. He’s even taken to calling it ‘The Pile of Doom.’ You know it’s bad if it’s got its own nickname.

He is like a nagging wife about it. Sometimes I wonder, “Why can’t you clean the stinkin’ pile?” But considering the pile usually consists of:

  • bills
  • coupons
  • junk mail
  • school / medical / other financial ‘stuff’

how could he clean the stinkin’ pile? It’s my job in our marriage to handle the bills,  manage the organization of coupons, and to file  school/medical and whatever else paperwork. So it doesn’t make sense for him to manage the pile. As much as I want him to, there’s no point; he’d be handing it all off to me anyway! He’s busy enough doing other stuff, like cooking dinner (since I’m a terrible chef) and doing the dishes (since the sink makes me gag.)

Yesterday, he got on my case again about the ‘Pile of Doom.’ And I don’t blame him. It’s on the kitchen counter, on a space he needs to prepare dinner.

I did get a little desk mail holder about a year ago, but it turns out it’s too small to hold the mail until I get a chance to sort through it. (And he’ll never let me forget that I bought it and don’t use it!)

So yesterday at Target, I found some folders by the Post-it Note people for organizing. The neat thing is, they stick to the wall! How awesome!

I put them up next to our keys, so I can just dump the mail in them as I hang up the keys at the end of the day. Then I can sort through the mail when I’m ready.

Here are some sample pictures from online of what these things look like:

I put the pockets up last night and cleaned up the ‘Pile of Doom,’ but so far he has yet to notice. I don’t care if he notices the pockets or not. I just hope he feels better about his kitchen counter being clean!

Result:

TBD

(Curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

#2: Don’t say anything negative today

18 Aug

Project:

Why do I even need to state the obvious? It’s not nice to say negative things about your partner to others, and it’s not nice to say negative things about your partner to your partner.

“Can you put the toilet seat down, please?” is quite a bit different than saying “I’m so sick of you, you’re so useless; you never point the toilet seat down!”

So in an effort to continue to do what I try to do but sometimes fail at, I’m dedicating today to being positive about my partner.

Update:

This is something that has to be worked on ALL the time.

I tried to stay positive all day through this morning. Today as we were leaving for work? The car keys were missing. I actually thought I had been the one to misplace them, and was scrambling looking for them (while dear husband got a bit cranky with me.)

Guess what, they were in his pocket all along. I nearly said something about him snapping at me when he had them all along, but I kept my mouth shut, since I knew I wouldn’t be saying anything positive.  And you know what? He apologized to me for snapping. Had I been cranky with him, I would have never received an apology.

So I guess me changing what I can, my own behavior, does make a difference, even on a small scale.

I’m going to keep trying to be positive, but with 800 things going on at a time, I’ll have to make this another ‘project’ to really focus on it.

I know I shouldn’t HAVE to keep track like this and make these into ‘projects’; I know how I should be behaving, but so does everyone else in the country, and a good chunk end up divorced. Can’t hurt to focus and write this stuff down, can it?

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