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Marriage Project Assessment #4 – Bake, Cook, Ego-Boost and Clean your way to a Happier Marriage

21 Oct

At least, that’s what I’ve been doing to work towards a better marriage. Not that there’s much wrong with it to begin with, but it seems to me that it’s easier to tend to your marriage when it’s not in trouble.

Well, all this cooking, cleaning, and loving up my husband seems to be making a HUGE difference (either that, or he’s found and reading my blog!) I started this blog to work on things I can control in my marriage (as opposed to using this as a place to vent about marriage and my husband). I can’t control my husband. I can only control me.

As I’ve mentioned several times before, the intent here is to better MYSELF in my marriage, but then unintended consequence here is that my husband has been just amazing. He’s been communicating a lot more than he EVER has. I mean, he talks a lot (we love to talk about anything and everything), but as far as communicating about feelings, emotions, or dealing with issues, that’s always been a little struggle for us.

So yesterday, when he IMed me about some errands we needed to get done, I was feeling particularly lovey, and I told him out of the blue, “You know, you’re a GREAT husband and father.” And he wrote back, “You know what, THANK YOU, that means so much to me.” Who knew?? I thought I’d get a standard “Thanks.”

Last night, I got home before he did and got to work reviewing my cleaning planner. I did some dishes, got dinner started, got coffee ready for the morning, and finished folding the laundry. I had quite a bit done before he even got home. We watched the rest of the Yankees game together (Yeah!!! They Won !!!!!!.) Then we went to bed super-early to watch the Giants against the Phillies. At 9pm. We just kind of cuddled, and it was incredible. Then out of nowhere, he tells me how happy he is in general, how glad he is that I’m his wife, and how glad he is that I’m the mother of his child. He also went on to tell me that he’s made an effort to try very hard lately – my hangups are staying clean and orderly and keeping my head on straight, his is that he tends to get a little angry and let things bother him. He told me that he’s trying hard to not place blame every time something small goes wrong, and he apologized for sometimes placing that extra blame on me when it’s not warranted.

Wow!

Am I making a difference here?

Furthermore, our marriage IS good already. Do you think for people who are having marriage troubles could follow the same steps that I do and receive the same outcome, even if they think their spouse is at fault? If they work on the ‘small things’ like I am, could their spouses outlook improve as well as an unintended consequence?

 


Some useful links:

 

Archive of my marriage projects

My marriage project assessments so far

What is this marriage project all about?

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Marriage Project – Assessment #3

15 Sep

You’ve been reading my Marriage Projects Steps for a month now. What do you think? Is it working?

I’m long overdue for an ‘assessment’ type post.

For anyone new here that needs to catch up, check out my first post where I describe my Marriage Project.

Also, feel free to check out all the posts of the Marriage Project so far on one easy-to-read page.

What this blog is not:

  • This is not a ‘big picture blog. I ‘get’ that there’s the big picture when it comes to marriage. In my completing all of these little tasks, I’m not avoiding the big picture or refusing to see it. But there are already a ton of websites that focus on marriage in general. I’ve read a ton of them.
  • This is not a theoretical blog.  There are also many websites on how theoretically to be nice to your partner and serve your partner. I’ve seen those to. What I’m doing here is trying to put those ‘theoreticals’ into action.
  • This is not a blog predominantly featuring sex. There are already a ton of ‘sex in marriage’ blogs. You don’t need another one. I know sex is a really, really, really important part of marriage, so I’ll just leave it at the fact that I’ve already made a commitment to make and keep that a priority a long time ago. Things are just fine and dandy on that end!

Recent thoughts:

  • Things have been GREAT between me and my husband lately. A lot of these little projects I set out to do to make my husband happy. But BONUS! They’ve made me feel good as well!
  • Me being in a better mood has helped HIM be in a better mood. I’m trying hard not to be a grouch!

What I need from you, dear readers:

  • I’d love any ideas on what projects I should do next! I’d love to get a list going in advance! Tell me what I should do next!
  • Are YOU doing something that would be a great addition to this blog? Tell me about it, and I’ll feature your project as a guest project!

Post recap since my last assessment:

Feedback! How am I doing? Tell me below!

Marriage Project – Assessment #2

31 Aug

I’m 11 ‘little projects’ in to the big Marriage Project, and, well, I’m stunned. I can’t believe how much happier our marriage has been just since I started this. We weren’t even unhappy to begin with, which, if you think about it, is probably a good time to start focusing on marriage. Waiting until the you-know-what hits the fan might not be a wise move.

I haven’t tried to change my husband at all, only focusing on what I can focus on.

Let’s recap:

As I mentioned in my first-ever post, these are not things that will save your marriage. And one-time actions are nice, but they might not be that noticeable.

A few things:

  1. The little things add up.  I’m not sure my husband noticed any of these little things I’ve done on an individual level, except perhaps maybe dressing up nice when I don’t usually. However, he has noticed in general that I’ve been doing something. He’s mentioned a few times how great things have been going lately, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
  2. These things are cumulative. Sure, I’m writing about each thing once on this blog, but as I focus on them once, I’m trying to continue focusing on them (putting the phone back on the charger so I don’t annoy my husband and give him an aneurysm; taking out the trash or doing the dishes, chores I hate but that will lighten his load, etc.)

What are your thoughts? Any suggestions for me?

Marriage Project – Assessment #1

24 Aug

Assessment #1

I’m 5 projects and one week in to my new Marriage Project.  It seems silly to need to write down nice things I want to do for my partner, myself, our marriage.
Shouldn’t I just know better? And if my husband is in a cranky mood, why should I make the effort? And if my husband has some fault, or is wrong, what should I make the effort?

Well, as I explained in my first post, my own efforts are the only thing I can really control.

Let’s recap the past week’s projects:

Each project has had its own minor successes. He loved my thank-you card, he loved when I wrote the little note in the bathroom mirror, love when I dressed up for his colleagues, and was pleased to have 30 extra minutes in his day by me picking up the dry cleaning. (Use the links above to see the full write up and result of each project.)

But is that it? Did I help my marriage? Does all of this help?

It does help; it is helping. My husband has been in a great mood during the past week. We were at the grocery store a few nights ago, and he kissed me right in the middle of the grocery store while we were shopping. This morning, he told me he wanted to have another baby.

My husband was not in a particularly foul mood prior to this, mind you, but I think we’re like many married couples who have the daily routine with little time to connect. Is it possible that what I’ve been doing has been helping us connect more?

I don’t do these things because I want something in return; I do it because I care about our marriage, and because I want to make him happy. I want my husband to kiss me in the grocery store “just because.”

He doesn’t know about my ‘project’, but is it possible he’s in a great mood and feels close to me because of what I’ve been doing here?

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