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The drain is clogged…

26 Jan

The drain in our bathroom tub has been clogged for a while. You know why? I stopped taking care of it. I let my hair get all down in there, and it became a big ole’ mess. Kind of gross.

Which is sort of the same way I feel about my marriage right now. I’ve neglected the blog, I’ve neglected a lot, all while convincing myself..”I’ll get to it when I have time…” I kept adding the Drano to the tub.

Nothing.

Finally, yesterday, we just had to get down there and unclog the darn thing. Which is kind of like me getting back to the blog. I sort of just needed to do it. I’m perfectly capable or working on my marriage without writing, but I know by experience I’m not as good at it.

Writing helps me organize my thoughts… allows me to think out loud before I actually speak and get myself into trouble. It’s sort of my own personal therapy, and I’ve let it go. So today, I’m back on the wagon, looking for ideas to continue with my marriage project.

Side note: I just read a great article in Good Housekeeping Magazine (also available online) called DIY Marriage Repair.

Key takeaways:

  • Not all marital disputes have to end in a deadlock.
  • Meeting in the middle when dealing with conflict rarely works; it creates resentment and fear of honest conversation.
  • Try taking turns.
  • Be open minded, not inflexible. Consider your partner’s point of view.

Off Topic: Your 5 year old may or may not be gay??

4 Nov

“My Son is Gay. Or Not.” is the title and first line of one of today’s Freshly Pressed blogs on WordPress.  A mother, who clearly loves her child, wrote about how she was fully supportive of her five year old son as he dressed up as Daphne from Scooby Doo for his preschool Halloween party.

And I agree with her. At five years old, kids are creative, expressive, interested in everything around them, and just want to have some fun. If my son wanted to dress as Daphne for Halloween, then so be it. This mother even wrote about how some of the mothers at the preschool approached her and told her how inappropriate his costume was, to which she responded that really it was none of their business.

This woman has over 7,000 comments (update: 35,000) to her post, with most being, “how awesome! you rock as a mom” and similar. I think that’s the easy comment to make, after all; this woman stuck up for her kid. But something about this post really bothered me; I had to reread this post several times to figure out why. What really bothered me about the post was her choice of title. And I can’t believe more people don’t have a problem with it.

Here’s what I commented on her blog:

I can’t overstate how happy I am that you are letting your son just be who he is. He’s five years old, for goodness sake! Halloween is about fantasy and dress up. Anything ‘out of the ordinary’ at five years old is surrounding gender roles…not sexuality.

But something has been nagging me for the past hour since I’ve read this:
The title of the post. And it’s like a rock in my stomach.

This post is about your five year old being who he is, and close minded parents A, B, and C. This isn’t about sexuality at five years old (though I have no doubt whatsoever that you’ll love your son no matter what.)

What if your son finds this blog when he’s older, having no prior knowledge of it? I think, no matter how accepting and loving I am of my son (and I am), he would be so hurt. What if he didn’t read the whole post, but instead finds an archive of the “Freshly Pressed” page – all Freshly Pressed has regarding your post is a picture of your son dressed as a girl, and the title, “My Son is Gay.”

I can imagine my son would be hurt or humiliated, with either “I can’t believe how embarrassed I am by this post” or “I can’t believe my mother outed me when I was five years old to thousands of people.”

If I wrote about this, my title wouldn’t be “My Son is Gay. (Or not.)” It would make more sense if the title were, “So what if he’s dressed up like a girl?” or something similar, because then you’re not addressing the sexuality of a five year old, but instead gender roles.

If her son ever finds WordPress’s Freshly Pressed Archives, here’s exactly what he’ll see:

I’m sorry, but I could not do that to my son. 7,000+ people, however, have failed to consider this. Read her post and some of the comments, then tell me what your thoughts are.

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