Tag Archives: challenge

Ideas for changing your life

10 Mar

Ok, so, these are ideas for changing my life, but I want to know what changes you’re looking to make, too. Add them in the comments! Though these aren’t all ‘marriage’ changes, I think all of them will benefit my marriage in some way.

Changes I want to make / Things I want to do:

  • Kiss and hug my husband every day.
  • Stay calm, particularly if we start to argue.
  • Walk away from a less-than-calm argument, instead of becoming an emotional trainwreck.
  • Spend 15 minutes a day talking….work, kids, schedules, our relationship, and chores are off-limit topics. It’ll be interesting to see what we talk about.. I feel like all we talk about sometimes are these topics.
  • Put up more pictures of us around the house.
  • Discuss (and write down and post somewhere) our 2 year goal, 5 year goal, 15 year goal, and retirement goals.
  • Have more sex (we’re tired parents of a 7 year old and 15 month old!) I read that the average is 1.5 times a week, so we’re already ahead of the curve, but I’d prefer more if I could actually stay awake!
  • Encourage my husband to get out a little more. He works long days at work, and though we make time for our ‘couple friends,’ he doesn’t get out much for a guy’s evening. I’m thankful for the time he is at home, but wondering if he’d be a little happier if he got out every now and then.
  • Be more positive and less negative. I tend to see the negative side of everything. I’m a realist!
  • Expand our circle of happy  ‘couple’ friends.
  • Have more ‘active’ dates with my husband. We LOVE dining out, but I’d like to try something a little more involved and active. (Any suggestions?)

Any other ideas? What are some things you’d like to change, or even do every day?

Advertisements

#37: Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do.

8 Dec

At least, that’s what they say. And it’s what I’ve been trying to put into practice.

Patience is something I’m still working very hard on. I’m not afraid of confrontation, but I try to avoid it if it’s not really necessary.

But in order to not be confrontational over minor things (which could come across as ‘nagging wife’ or ‘complaining wife’) one must exercise some patience.

I’ve been getting better at it. Last night, my husband and I were talking, and it got to be late. My husband HATES talking about anything serious before bed. I, on the other hand, can not sleep if stuff is on my mind, and I feel most comfortable talking to him when we ARE in bed. Our guard is down, we’re comfortable, we’re not tense. It seems like a PERFECT place and time to talk.

But he doesn’t like to; maybe he feels vulnerable. Maybe he actually wants to sleep when he gets into bed. I don’t know or understand the reason why, but since me bringing up things before bed seemed to always turn things into a crazy fight, I’ve been trying to honor his request to not talk about anything serious before sleep.

So last night, as we started talking, he said he’d rather not, and really wanted to get some sleep.

And I obliged and shut my mouth. That was an exercise in patience. Not so much because I had something burning that I just HAD to discuss (the issue was minor), but because I’m not sure when I’ll get to have my say and I have to sit and wonder when he might want to talk. I have to be a mindreader. If I bring it up again, I’m a nagging wife.

Last night, he had his say (he disagreed with me), then said he would really like some sleep.

This takes me to something else completely. Sometimes I don’t even care what the issue is about. I just want to know that he takes my opinion/thoughts/whatever seriously, even if he disagrees. I want to know that he’s at least trying to understand what I’m saying. I don’t know that if he gets to say his peace and then decides the conversation is over.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not even mad. There’s no point. We’re going to be with each other for a long time, and if he hates talking before bed, nothing is going to magically make him like it. So it’s my turn to make the accommodation and try to be patient.

Sometimes I want to blow up and say, “Well when the heck do you expect us to talk? We work all day, come home, feed the kids, eat our dinner, do bedtime for the kids, do some chores, maybe watch an hour of tv, and then it’s our bedtime! Bedtime is the only time we have peace and quiet. When do you propose we talk???”

But I know that’s not a good direction to go, either. I think most times if I’m just patient and calm, things will work themselves out. Things will eventually get addressed.

So I’m going to work some more on being patient, not rushing to solutions, decisions, or blowing up and yelling.

But does this make a really understanding wife, or a pushover?

#36: Small steps…like buying your husband a birthday gift

6 Dec

Credit: elevenstitches.com

I had a minor setback. Not with my marriage, really. We haven’t been fighting, things have been good. But since Thanksgiving, things have been just ‘off.’ And for no particular reason, really. I think we just suddenly got very busy.

The business of Thanksgiving (which my dear friend and neighbor hosted) is the start of the crazy holiday season. We watched The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade while preparing side dishes for Thanksgiving, then we went to our friend’s house where we we ate yummy corn bread, creamy peas (with bacon!), brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes,  mostly done turkey, and amazing dessert! It was an great time.

And then, something happened. It’s been Christmas shopping, shopping for my daughter’s birthday, shopping for my son’s birthday, shopping for my husband’s birthday, preparing for my family’s visit this weekend… The list doesn’t end…

And I think I’ve been out of sync with my husband. Not in any bad way; we haven’t fought, argued, nothing of the sort. We’re just both busy and it’s catching up to us. And since I’ve felt a little ‘off’, I haven’t felt like writing.

But it’s a mistake. It’s a mistake not to write, because that is the POINT of this blog. The point is to work on small things I can do on a DAILY basis for my marriage and for my husband. I’ve been working on the little things, especially when things are good. I work on them especially when things are good because that’s the time when couples tend to relax and not work as hard on their marriage since it’s gliding along so smoothly.

Common sense should tell me that when things are slightly out of sync, that’s probably the time to pick up the pace on my small daily projects, which I have not been doing.

So here I am, getting back on track.

I went and bought my husband his birthday gift. That was partly self serving; it made me feel better about myself, which put me in a better position to start up with my ‘projects’ again. And I think it’s something he’ll really like. He’s been saying over and over again how he needs a new watch; I really wasn’t sure what to get (there are sooooo many choices.)

But on Black Friday, I went to Macy’s and got him this (his has a blue face):

Chronograph watch. Credt: Burberry.com

I think he’s really going to like it.

#32: My husband is Mr. Incredible.

10 Nov

I think so, anyway. He works hard, takes good care of us, and rarely complains.

I love my husband no matter what, and he’s been trying really hard lately to get back to the gym and get back in shape. He’s a big and tall guy no matter how you slice it, but he could stand to lose some weight, and I say that from a health perspective more than anything.

Whenever he comes back from the gym, he’s always in a great mood. It’s great! He tries to go either in the morning before work, or at the end of the day after work, but, well, it’s tough after a long day. And who wants to get up at 5am to go to the gym?

So my next project is to encourage him to keep going to the gym. A few years ago, he was on a real roll, and lost probably a good 40-50 pounds, and I remember how much he loved the way he felt.

So I’m going to encourage him to stick with it (but not nag him; this is his choice, not mine.) I think he likes being reminded of how sexy and desirable he is, and I have no problem reminding him of that!

#30: “Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”

8 Nov

A cheesy pickup line? Not REALLY my thing, but when you’re trying to be as clever as I am on a daily basis, you think outside of the box.

So last week when I was in Florida and saw a ‘Pick-Up Lines’ Magetic Poetry Kit at a magnet shop (yep; a shop that just had magnets), I decided to buy it and have a little fun with it.

I can’t even remember what I put together for my first little quote on the fridge; it was something slightly naughty but mostly funny. He laughed and got a kick out of it.

Yesterday, I was opening the fridge and saw:

I love you all my life

Love it! My husband decided to play along! Ironically, I tried to be a little ‘naughty’ to appeal to the man in him (thinking that’s how he’d go about this little game), and interestingly enough he responded back with a mushy phrase.

This is going to be fun!

#29: What should we do everyday with our spouse but sometimes don’t?

5 Nov

Kiss. That’s right. KISS.

My husband and I are definitely in love, and definitely happy. But it dawned on me recently that sometimes a day will go by where we haven’t kissed at all. AT ALL!!

How can that be? He often jumps right out of bed to go to the gym in our building. When he gets back, I’m getting the kiddo ready for daycare, so he showers. Then all of a sudden it’s time for him to head out the door and it’s ends up as sort of a rushed, “Have a nice day!”

Same at night; he starts dinner, I feed the baby, we play with the baby, we watch a little tv or do some talking, and then we pass out cold.

Do you have any little routines or traditions you love in your marriage? We have one I love; it’s called ‘Family Time’, and as soon as we’re all home, we all pile up onto the bed and just chill for a few minutes. It helps as parents unwind for five minutes after a long day before jumping into dinner, baths, and whatever else we need to get done. We get to tickle and cuddle and play with the little one, and my daughter (if she is with us and not at her dad’s house) will tell us all about her day. It’s a great time.

So in the spirit of happy traditions, the other night while my husband and I were talking, I asked him if we could start a new tradition. It went something like this:

Me: So, I was thinking….

Husband: Uh oh….

Me: No no, this is good! I’m not about to tell you that you did something wrong.

Husband: Okay…

Me: I was thinking we could start a new tradition. Let’s make sure we kiss at least once in the morning, and at least once at night. And I mean a NICE kiss. Not just a quick unthoughtful kiss.

Husband: Yeah, but we do that already.

Me: Do we?

Husband: Hmm.. Maybe you’re right…..

So with that, our new kissing routine was born. And I’ll tell you, it’s great! We spent some nice time last night kissing like teenagers before bed! And this morning, as he was leaving for work, we hugged, and then he remembered and gave me a big kiss.

This sounds silly and simplistic, but think about the implications if you DON’T kiss for long stretches. I think it makes it that much harder to be intimate in general, and especially if you’re stressed, have had an argument, or something of the like. I think NOT kissing allows the distance between a couple to grow, which is never a good thing.

Be honest; how often do you kiss your spouse/partner?

#28: Dinner, work, kids sports, abortion?

4 Nov

Does your husband talk a lot? Mine does. We talk about a lot of things, but naturally, what’s going on at work or our kids are frequent topics.

It’s no secret; the older my husband and I get, the more conservative we’re becoming. I don’t necessarily mean Republican conservative (though it’s no secret I don’t consider myself a true Democrat anymore), but I mean in a fiscal sense, and in a morals and values sense.

Last night I saw an ad on tv for Victoria’s Secret. Ten years ago, I probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Last night, the ad I saw at 7:30pm practically bordered on soft porn. See for yourself:

I have an almost 7 year old daughter. How do I explain to her that when she’s an adult, dressing up sexy for your husband is a good thing, but flaunting your sexuality like these women on tv is a bad thing? How do you explain this when your 6 year old doesn’t even know about these sorts of things, but it’s thrown in their face and they ask about it? Thankfully she didn’t see this commercial, so I don’t have to address it this moment.

However, this leads me to the fact that I’m becoming getting more conservative, and so is my husband.

A few nights ago, before the Victoria’s Secret commercial, he actually brought up abortion. Abortion! We were sitting on the couch reading (since baseball is over, and all), and he told me he had been thinking about it and the arguments for allowing it, and the arguments against it. We discussed it probably for a good 40 minutes or so. I won’t even get into how the discussion went (it’s not that relevant), but what is relevant is that he felt comfortable bringing up something like that with me.

Was I a good listener? Eh. Sort of, sort of not. Essentially, his views on the topic were changing, and it caught me off guard. But the point is, my husband doesn’t just talk about work, kids, and sports. And when he feels comfortable talking about tough topics with me, it’s my job to be a good listener, even if I disagree. I think trying to be a good listener will keep him feeling comfortable bringing up interesting or tough topics.

%d bloggers like this: