Tag Archives: children

Ideas for changing your life

10 Mar

Ok, so, these are ideas for changing my life, but I want to know what changes you’re looking to make, too. Add them in the comments! Though these aren’t all ‘marriage’ changes, I think all of them will benefit my marriage in some way.

Changes I want to make / Things I want to do:

  • Kiss and hug my husband every day.
  • Stay calm, particularly if we start to argue.
  • Walk away from a less-than-calm argument, instead of becoming an emotional trainwreck.
  • Spend 15 minutes a day talking….work, kids, schedules, our relationship, and chores are off-limit topics. It’ll be interesting to see what we talk about.. I feel like all we talk about sometimes are these topics.
  • Put up more pictures of us around the house.
  • Discuss (and write down and post somewhere) our 2 year goal, 5 year goal, 15 year goal, and retirement goals.
  • Have more sex (we’re tired parents of a 7 year old and 15 month old!) I read that the average is 1.5 times a week, so we’re already ahead of the curve, but I’d prefer more if I could actually stay awake!
  • Encourage my husband to get out a little more. He works long days at work, and though we make time for our ‘couple friends,’ he doesn’t get out much for a guy’s evening. I’m thankful for the time he is at home, but wondering if he’d be a little happier if he got out every now and then.
  • Be more positive and less negative. I tend to see the negative side of everything. I’m a realist!
  • Expand our circle of happy  ‘couple’ friends.
  • Have more ‘active’ dates with my husband. We LOVE dining out, but I’d like to try something a little more involved and active. (Any suggestions?)

Any other ideas? What are some things you’d like to change, or even do every day?

#29: What should we do everyday with our spouse but sometimes don’t?

5 Nov

Kiss. That’s right. KISS.

My husband and I are definitely in love, and definitely happy. But it dawned on me recently that sometimes a day will go by where we haven’t kissed at all. AT ALL!!

How can that be? He often jumps right out of bed to go to the gym in our building. When he gets back, I’m getting the kiddo ready for daycare, so he showers. Then all of a sudden it’s time for him to head out the door and it’s ends up as sort of a rushed, “Have a nice day!”

Same at night; he starts dinner, I feed the baby, we play with the baby, we watch a little tv or do some talking, and then we pass out cold.

Do you have any little routines or traditions you love in your marriage? We have one I love; it’s called ‘Family Time’, and as soon as we’re all home, we all pile up onto the bed and just chill for a few minutes. It helps as parents unwind for five minutes after a long day before jumping into dinner, baths, and whatever else we need to get done. We get to tickle and cuddle and play with the little one, and my daughter (if she is with us and not at her dad’s house) will tell us all about her day. It’s a great time.

So in the spirit of happy traditions, the other night while my husband and I were talking, I asked him if we could start a new tradition. It went something like this:

Me: So, I was thinking….

Husband: Uh oh….

Me: No no, this is good! I’m not about to tell you that you did something wrong.

Husband: Okay…

Me: I was thinking we could start a new tradition. Let’s make sure we kiss at least once in the morning, and at least once at night. And I mean a NICE kiss. Not just a quick unthoughtful kiss.

Husband: Yeah, but we do that already.

Me: Do we?

Husband: Hmm.. Maybe you’re right…..

So with that, our new kissing routine was born. And I’ll tell you, it’s great! We spent some nice time last night kissing like teenagers before bed! And this morning, as he was leaving for work, we hugged, and then he remembered and gave me a big kiss.

This sounds silly and simplistic, but think about the implications if you DON’T kiss for long stretches. I think it makes it that much harder to be intimate in general, and especially if you’re stressed, have had an argument, or something of the like. I think NOT kissing allows the distance between a couple to grow, which is never a good thing.

Be honest; how often do you kiss your spouse/partner?

Reason #5 – Would your husband encourage you to go away for a weekend with your sisters?

28 Oct

Mine did. At first it felt like a trick. Like, “Why does he want me to go away? Is he up to no good? is he sick of me?” You know, all the general paranoia stuff.

My older sister is a world traveler. She’s traveled a lot for work, and she’s also traveled because she’s a professional athlete. China, Australia, Netherlands, South Africa, England, Guatemala; you name it, she’s been there. Now, she’s been hounding me for a bit to go on a weekend trip with her. I haven’t been on a weekend trip with her since early 2004 when we drove from New England to Virginia Beach for a WEEKEND (for a conference she was going to.) That’s it!

I do see her quite often, however. As you may have noticed from some of my posts, I live in Washington, DC. My sister, by air, lives only an hour away, so she flies down to (or through) DC quite often.

Finally my husband said to me a few months ago, “Why haven’t you planned this weekend trip with your sister yet??”

Really?? I’ve WANTED to go, but as a mom who loves her family, I’ve felt pretty guilty about planning a trip to California, or Vegas, or Colorado, or WHEREVER for the weekend so I can hang out with my sister and have fun!! I felt guilty abandoning the kids and my husband.

But most of all, I feel guilty going out and having fun without him! He works just as hard as I do!

He told me to worry not, and plan the darn trip. Isn’t my husband amazing??

Well, it’s planned. Tomorrow afternoon I will be flying to Florida with my sister (who was awesome enough to fly here first to meet me, and then head down with me!) And guess what, my other sister already happens to be down in Florida on vacation with her boyfriend, so I’ll get to see her too. And if you can believe that, can you believe that my father and grandfather will be in Florida, too? They drove all the way from New England to pick up a car (my grandfather is an antique car buff), so I’ll get to see them, too! What a weekend!

But, “Florida?? Kind of boring, no?” I’m sure you’re asking.

Yes, I think Florida can be kind of boring, except when your sister was able to win a lottery and purchase tickets for the second to last ever space shuttle launch!!!

That’s right, on Monday, we’ll be seeing STS-133, the space shuttle Discovery make its last flight. How exciting! I got to see STS-49, the maiden voyage of Endeavor, when I was younger, but I think I’ll appreciate this a whole lot more since I’m older.

So a whole weekend in the Orlando area with my sister, before the launch.. what to do, what to do…

Update:

  • The launch was scrubbed
  • I ate dinner at the House of Blues at Downtown Disney
  • My sister and I drank lots of Bailey’s on the rocks on our flight down
  • Did you know they call Panama City, Florida (a stop on our flight) the Redneck Riviera?
  • My 15 minute stop in Panama City, Florida, was the first time in my LIFE that I’ve been in the central time zone. I’ve been to Eastern, Atlantic, and Greenwich, but never anywhere west of eastern time.

Marriage Project Assessment #4 – Bake, Cook, Ego-Boost and Clean your way to a Happier Marriage

21 Oct

At least, that’s what I’ve been doing to work towards a better marriage. Not that there’s much wrong with it to begin with, but it seems to me that it’s easier to tend to your marriage when it’s not in trouble.

Well, all this cooking, cleaning, and loving up my husband seems to be making a HUGE difference (either that, or he’s found and reading my blog!) I started this blog to work on things I can control in my marriage (as opposed to using this as a place to vent about marriage and my husband). I can’t control my husband. I can only control me.

As I’ve mentioned several times before, the intent here is to better MYSELF in my marriage, but then unintended consequence here is that my husband has been just amazing. He’s been communicating a lot more than he EVER has. I mean, he talks a lot (we love to talk about anything and everything), but as far as communicating about feelings, emotions, or dealing with issues, that’s always been a little struggle for us.

So yesterday, when he IMed me about some errands we needed to get done, I was feeling particularly lovey, and I told him out of the blue, “You know, you’re a GREAT husband and father.” And he wrote back, “You know what, THANK YOU, that means so much to me.” Who knew?? I thought I’d get a standard “Thanks.”

Last night, I got home before he did and got to work reviewing my cleaning planner. I did some dishes, got dinner started, got coffee ready for the morning, and finished folding the laundry. I had quite a bit done before he even got home. We watched the rest of the Yankees game together (Yeah!!! They Won !!!!!!.) Then we went to bed super-early to watch the Giants against the Phillies. At 9pm. We just kind of cuddled, and it was incredible. Then out of nowhere, he tells me how happy he is in general, how glad he is that I’m his wife, and how glad he is that I’m the mother of his child. He also went on to tell me that he’s made an effort to try very hard lately – my hangups are staying clean and orderly and keeping my head on straight, his is that he tends to get a little angry and let things bother him. He told me that he’s trying hard to not place blame every time something small goes wrong, and he apologized for sometimes placing that extra blame on me when it’s not warranted.

Wow!

Am I making a difference here?

Furthermore, our marriage IS good already. Do you think for people who are having marriage troubles could follow the same steps that I do and receive the same outcome, even if they think their spouse is at fault? If they work on the ‘small things’ like I am, could their spouses outlook improve as well as an unintended consequence?

 


Some useful links:

 

Archive of my marriage projects

My marriage project assessments so far

What is this marriage project all about?

And of course, follow me on Facebook by clicking the picture below!

#25: Bust out my OCD cleaning planner (and wedding weekend follow-up)

19 Oct

As some of you may have read a few days ago, I have a cleaning planner now. Yup. A weekly planner, dedicated to cleaning and my chores.

Why?

  1. I’m a little OCD (or maybe a lot)
  2. I won’t remember to change the cat box, brush my teeth, do laundry, etc, if I don’t.

The reason I forget these things is not because I’m lazy; it’s because my brain is too busy and has too much going on.

Well, after our fabulous trip to our friends’ wedding this past weekend, I’ve gotten out of the habit of busting out my planner to do my chores (aka, the normal duties of wife and mother.) And then in the day and a half since we’ve been back, my excuse is that we’ve been EXHAUSTED. So it’s back to the chores planner tonight!

How does this benefit my husband, you ask?

“I wish you picking up after yourself and helping me clean the house a bit more was a perk of your OCD.” – Real quote from my husband.

Wedding Weekend

Some of you may be wondering about our weekend at our friend’s wedding and how it went. It went AMAZINGLY! Thank you everyone for all of your help!

We had friends babysit, and we flew up north and had two whole nights to ourselves!

And we caught up on our sleep. NOT!

Friday night, after several drinks to ease the stress of flying on an airline I don’t know on a route I don’t know (OCD, I tell ya!), we arrived at a lodge that the wedding family had rented, where we’d all be staying. It all started with some wine and catching up, and more wine, and many lobsters, and more wine, and more catching up…and even though we went to bed at 11pm, didn’t end until 3am when the loud music and drunken festivities ended.

“Those youngins’!!” is probably what you’re thinking, right? Except it wasn’t, it was all the ‘young folk’ in their 20’s and 30’s as well as several sets of parents, grandparents, and other ‘older’ relatives. Whew!

So naturally, even though we didn’t fall asleep until 3am, we were up by 7:00 since we’re on parental time, and also since the wedding rehearsal was at 7:30am. (Who had time to do it the day before??)

After that, we spent the day relaxing a bit, and, umm, ‘spending time’ together, and then were back for the wedding which started at 4:30 at the lake outside the lodge. We laughed with friends, drank some wine, chatted with friends, danced, drank, danced, drank, and then somehow it ended up being 1am. And since the guys had decided to smoke some cigars toward the end of the night, I had a very sick husband on my hands. We got to bed at about 3am, and were up at 7am to pack and head for the airport.

In the end, it was a great success of a weekend. My husband and I got to spend some much needed alone time with each other, we got to reconnect with some great friends….but the sleep? We’ll have to catch up on that another time.


PS – Join me on Facebook! Click the image below!

 


(Curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

APB: Exciting news for my faithful readers!!

18 Oct

I’m now on Facebook! Click the image below to find my new page and ‘Like’ it. This way, you can see my new posts pop up on Facebook as well. And please, don’t be greedy, feel free to ‘share’ my page with others!


In other news, I can’t wait to share with you all about our weekend away. It was a success!
(Curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

APB: My husband and I are going on a trip, and I need your help!

14 Oct

Suggestions, please, dear friends. My husband and I haven’t been away together overnight since our baby was born almost a year ago, and tomorrow we’re flying to a friend’s wedding.

We’ll have two whole nights alone together.

So here are my plans so far:

  • Don’t talk about the kids too much
  • Don’t get so tired at the wedding that we crash as soon as we get back to our room
  • Have uninterrupted sex

That’s all I’ve got. Any thoughts on little things I can do for him while we’re away?

(Curious what my Marriage Project is all about?)

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