My husband returns home tonight, thank goodness.
My initial thoughts on this whole situation? If my husband has to travel for work, there’s no way I can work full time and care for a ten month old and manage to feed us, clothe us, bathe us, and keep the house in order.
I’ve been reading a lot of great blogs lately written by other mothers, soon-to-be mothers, wives, and women in general ( Melbourne Mumma, Life in the Married Lane, Country Man’s Wife, Dalai Lina, In Like Flynn, As the Raven Flies, Mrs. Long, Conflicted Mean Girl, Miss Entregate, Give Thanks and Praise, just to name a few), and they’ve all really got me thinking about what the heck my role is in my own life.
If my husband traveled frequently? There’s no doubt; I’d be a stay at home mother. A housewife. This is where I might annoy some feminists. I’m all for equal rights. Well guess what? Equal rights are on the books now. I can vote, I can buy property, I can have a job outside the home. I’m also entitled to equal pay, and I’m certain I’ve got that.
So the problem is, I know that I’m entitled to equality, and there are even laws on the books now to enable me to fight for these rights if they’re violated, but what if I don’t think all things are equal? What if by both parents working and trying to do everything, we’re spreading ourselves too thin? What if we’re both stressed about not spending enough time with work, both stressed about spending enough time with the kids, both stressed about getting things done around the house? How does that make sense? We’re supposed to BOTH run ourselves ragged because I want to feel equal?
Well, I do feel equal to my husband. Equally exhausted, I’m sure! If it were financially possible in our city (and it’s not – yet- I’ve run the numbers many many times), what would be so wrong with me staying home and taking care of the kids and maintaining the house? My husband wouldn’t have an extra 30 minute commute each way to work (on top of his already 45 minute + commute) to take our son to daycare, he could take the shorter route to work, I could spend some quality times with our son and older daughter, I could actually keep the house in decent order, get laundry and such done during the day, I could have dinner ready for my husband when he got home…I could go on and on. How is this bad?
I suppose if I had no choice and HAD to stay home, perhaps I would resent my husband? But I have a choice, so what would there be to resent? I think the only thing to resent would be the feminists telling me that I’m not fulfilling my own educational aspirations, my career aspirations, that I’m somehow being subservient to my husband. I think I’d resent being given that look of ‘Oh, you’re JUST a wife…JUST a stay at home mom…’ I think what I’d tell those feminists is that the world doesn’t revolve around me, and it doesn’t revolve around them, either. It’s not ALL about what I want, it’s also about what’s best for my family.
And with that, back to the point. I’m fortunate that my husband doesn’t travel often, so as of this evening when he returns, this whole supermom tryingtodoitall thing ends, and I get my amazing partner back.
Side note: Right after my husband left, our son got real sick, spent time in the doctor’s office, and we even have our own home nebulizer for the kiddo now. It’s been a rough few days with very little sleep. I am THRILLED to have my husband back, but I’m also proud of myself that I could handle all the situations that came up while he was gone. I have a tendency to lean on my husband perhaps more than I should. He deserves a medal!!!